Gaara's Day at The Beach
by Inucha
Summary: Basically, it's like sugar x Naruto. Oh wait, bad idea. Temari x Shikamaru, Tenten x Shino, Naruto x Himself. Humour. Parody.
1. BIKINI!

**Gaara's Day at the Beach**  
Because I Feel Like It!

**Gaara**: _Building a sandfort with his sand_.

**Temari**: Gaara, love. _Raises a motherly finger_. Put on your sunscreen or you'll get burned!

**Kankuro**: Yeah! Otherwise with fried skin, girls will cower _even_ more before you!

**Gaara**: _Shine_! ( Die! )

**Fangirls**: **WE LOVE YOU GAARA**!

_Shikamaru enters_.

**Temari**: Shika-kun! ♥

**Shikamaru**: Troubl...**BIKINI**! _Drools._

**Kiba**: _Has love affair with author and never seen again_. ♥ ♥ ♥

**Akamaru**: ♥ _Ditto!_

**Chouji**: _SEA-SALT _♥...ice-cream...

**Naruto**: I'm going to built the **biggest** sandcastle ever. DATTEBAYO! _Proceeds to build his biggest (_yet ugliest_) sandcastle ever_.

(WE STILL LOVE YOU NARUTO!)

**Sasuke**: _Looks around._ Itachi...I wonder if he likes...bodysurfing.

**Kakashi**: This is going to involve a lot of...jellyfish, isn't it?

(The author would like to mention at this time, Kakashi is wearing a shirt that says 'Too srexy for my shirt.')

**Sasuke**: _Look of shock on his face._ **HOW DID YOU KNOW KAKASHI-SENSEI?**

**Sakura**: _Dies from crying over Sasuke, and mermaids murdering her over the huge increase of low-quality salt-water._

**Sasuke**: Sakura's...dead?

**Sasuke**: **_I'M FREE!_**

**Gaara**: _Tastes the sea water._ Hmm...salty...tastes like..._b...l...o..._**BIKINI!** _Some female appropriate to Gaara in a bikini can be seen._

**Naruto**: I'm tired, dattebayo! I need a girl too! _Thinks of a sailormoonish girl in (_of course_) a bikini!_

**Kankuro**: Hey Temari? I was thinking...

**Temari**: That you really don't like girls?

**Kankuro**: I only have eyes for you Shino!

**Shino**: Uhhh yeah...me and my bugs don't swing that way.

**Shikamaru**: Okay Temari, this is the plan. Because your wearing a bikini, and I don't want anyone else to look at you, we're going to build a real sandcastle. Gaara's going to reinforce it, once he's done drooling over the girl in the bikini, and because he's your brother, we can trust him. Unless some really freaky fanfiction writers come along.

**Temari**: Wow...you like me enough to be active.

**Chouji**: _Munching chips_. Yeah...or your bikini.

**Temari**: DID ANYONE ASK YOU FA-

**Shikamaru**: _Clamps his hand, just in time!_ Stop. As much as I would like to see that bikini of yours torn to shreads in an epic battle with Chouji, remember _last time_.

**Temari**: _Getting painful flashbacks_. Okay. So I can see your point. And if you want me to sit in that castle of yours, you'd better stop with the bikini thing. Because no matter how cool being treated like a princess is, morals come first.

**Shikamaru**: ...Troublesome. Chouji, help out with this castle thing.

**Chouji**: O-k!

* * *

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

**Notes for the Reader  
**• Because this author too loves stories on crack.  
• No I will not share.  
• Yes, I will marry you if you look like Kiba. But _exactly_. And I mean exactly. Eyeliner and all.  
• Please **review**!

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	2. Itsy Bitsy

**Tenten**: _Singing while wearing an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow bug-covered bikini._ The Itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout...

**Shino**: Bikini...

**Tenten**: Shino! What are you doing here? I never thought someone like you would like the beach.

**Shino**: I...didn't know you liked bugs.

**Tenten**: Well...they're so fascinating!

**Shino**: _Gets down on one knee._ Will...you marry me?

**Gaara**: Um...Temari, what happened to Kankuro?

**Temari**: Oh...I think he discovered his gayness and went to put on more makeup.

**Kankuro**: Hey big boy! Wanna _play_?

**Lee**: Gai-sensei! What is this boy saying? I don't understand...

**Gai**: Never mind that! It's time to run off into the sunset together!

**Lee**: Of course Gai-sensei! _Both hug and cry before running off into the sunset._

**Kankuro**: Fouled again..._Goes off to look for some more man-meat to devour._

**Neji**: You know...I never thought about girls.

**Tenten**: Well, dur! What has caused your discovery of them?

**Neji**: Well...your bikini.

**Tenten**: Aww, Neji! I _was _worried about how I looked. Now I feel...

**Neji**: Girl's skin...I remember now. **Byakugan**!

**Tenten**: Um...Neji? What are you doing?

**Neji**: I'm undressing you with my eyes.

**Tenten**: ...**SHINO!**

**Kankuro**: Hey baby, you can undress me with your eyes anytime you want.

**Neji**: _Already dead from bug attack._

**Shino**: Though I don't like to explain things twice, I will for you my darling butterfly. I placed a female kikai bug on you so that I would know about your whereabouts at all times. Using a mysterious and poorly explained technique, the bug informed me of Neji's indecenacy even before he told you. Never fear, my love, I will always be there for you.

**Tenten**: ...Can I see your eyes?

**Shino**: ...No.

**Naruto**: Sasuke, have you seen any hot girls yet? I really feel like playing beach volleyball with a cutie, dattebayo.

**Sasuke**: Naruto...I never look for that kind of stuff. You know that.

**Naruto**: But all the other stiffys did! It's like this beach is MAGICAL! I mean...Shino, for crying out loud. I think he's getting married to Tenten. And Gaara. GAARA. Gaara's basically making out over there!

**Gaara**: _Lost interest in girl due to her having not enough eyeliner, and now placing bets with Temari who Kankuro will stalk next. _I say...Sasuke.

**Temari**: I say you.

**Gaara**: ...I'm his brother.

**Temari**: That never stopped the fanfiction writers.

**Kankuro**: Hey Sasuke...forget about that brother of yours. Wanna...

**Gaara**: Five bucks please.

**Temari**: Oh well. At least Kankuro's not totally sick and twisted.

* * *

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

**Notes for the Reader  
**• Shino needs to be OOC once in a while. It's good for his blood pressure.  
• Please **review**!

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	3. Jellyfish Launching

**Kakashi**: Okay Naruto...this is what's known as jellyfish launching.

**Naruto**: Ano, ano Kakashi-sensei! Like this? _Catches a jellyfish in his net, and throws it far, where it lands on Kankuro on the beach._

**Kakashi:** _Exactly_. Only not on Kankuro. Actually, to put it back in the sea would be best.

**Naruto**: Oh...I see! Iruka-sensei! Stop having nosebleeds over there and try this!

**Iruka**: COOOOOOOMING! _Nosebleed._

**Shikamaru**: How troublesome. Are you almost done with that left tower, Chouji?

**Chouji**: I'm done!

**Shikamaru**: Good. This place is complete...including the throne, Temari-chan.

**Temari**: _Shuts her previously opened mouth._

**Shikamaru**: Where's Gaara? I need him to do his cool-sand thing and reinforce this place.

**Gaara**: _Picking up Kakashi's Icha Icha Violence with curiosity, dropping it as soon as he hears his name._ Aaa...here. Shikamaru.

**Shikamaru**: Gaara-san, could you please reinforce this sand structure? We're doing it to protect your sister from lecherous bikini-watchers.

**Gaara**: You know...she can take care of herself. Not that I object to doing this. _Reinforces the sand._ There.

**Shikamaru**: Thank you...now Temari...

**Temari**: WHERE'S MY **CROWN**?

**Gaara**: _Constructs a crown out of sand, reinforced it too, and hands it to his sister._ Good luck containing _that _demon.

**Temari**: I will ignore **that**.

**Shikamaru**: Heh...right. Inside, young lady! I will be your knight.

**Temari**: ♥.♥ Most...romantic thing...ever. _Puts crown on head and goes inside to sit on her throne._

**Neji**: Ahh...Hinata. I never realized how beautiful you were. _Inside_ and out.

**Hinata**: N-Neji? Y-You're my cousin...

**Neji**: Yeah, but otherwise the fanfiction writer goddesses will not be appeased at the lack of cultural rule-breaking.

**Hinata**: _Not wishing to occur the wraith of those particular deities jumps into Neji's arms._

**Neji**: Ahhh...success.

**Naruto**: O.O A-ah...it's that crazy woman...that lady from the chuunin exams...d-d-dattebayo!

**Kakashi**: _Screams and hides behind Naruto._

**Anko**: Men. Such babies.

**Iruka**: _Bikini_...I-I'll be brave for you. _Nosebleeds._

**Anko**: I like blood...hey, you're kind cute. Wanna _bodysurf?_

**Iruka**: Do I ever!

**Naruto**: ...He's a dead man, isn't he Kakashi-sensei?

**Kakashi**: Absolutely.

**Ino**: Ohh...you're that guy from the Chuunin exams. But now...you're older. But still cute!

**Izumo**: And you're a little young.

**Ino**: Oh, well, I can fix that with the jutsu Naruto taught me. **Henge**! _Transforms in what could very well be her older self._

**Izumo**: Hey, if you don't tell your parents, I won't tell mine.

**Ino**: Why...would you need to?

* * *

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

**Notes for the Reader  
**• I wish there were more bishounen in the world. Then I would be one happy kitty.  
• Kamizuki Izumo, one of the guys who works for the Hokage. The hot one. Not the one with the bandage on his nose.  
• Anyone else uses jellyfish launching...there will be _blood_.  
• Please **review**!

**

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**


	4. It's the Song that Never Ends

**Naruto**: Four! _Launches jellyfish on the sunbathing Itachi._

**Kakashi**: Good one. But people are still off-limits. I know I forgot to tell you that.

**Naruto**: Sensei, you take all the fun out of this!

**Itachi**: _Dead! From his one weakness...JELLYFISH!_

**Kisame**: NUUUUU! _MY LOVER_! WHO WILL BE MY PARTNER ON EVIL GAY COUPLES **BINGO **NIGHT?

**Kankuro**:** There's a gay couples bingo night? **♥

**Sasuke**: ...Itachi, dead? My...life's...goal...acomplished? Mwhe...he...

**Tenten**: PLEASE?♥ !♥ ♥ ?

**Shino**: ...Hey, we should make you a castle too. Then I wouldn't have to worry about Neji, or anyone else with a vague inclination towards you. Bugs, get to work! _Bugs work like dogs to build castle. _MUHAHHAHAHAHA!

**Tenten**: _Kisses him for distraction purposes, then steals sunglasses. _Oh...my...

**Shino**: NOOO! The_ light_! **IT BURNS!**

**Ino**: Oh Izumo...

**Izumo**: Oh Ino...

**Izumo **& **Ino**: _Lean in for kiss, and..._

**Gai**: OBSERVE THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH LEE!

**Lee**: But Gai-sensei...

**Ino**: _You peeping toms_...are...**so**...dead.

**Lee**: Um, Gai-sensei...I think we should leave now...

**Gai**: Nonsense! Everyone has the right to sp...see the springtime of...AHHHHH! STOP! STOP! I PROMISE NEVER AGAIN! JUST STOP WOMAN, STOP!

**Sasuke**: _Singing._ Sasuke is _clever_ and Naru is _stupie_. ♪

**Shikamaru**: His...mind is totally gone.

**Temari**: _Comes out to see_. Such a loss to the world when beautiful men become mentally unstable.

**Shikamaru**: ...You think Sasuke is hot?

**Kankuro**: _Whining_. Gaa-_ra._

**Gaara**: _Making sand-angels, eyes closed in deadly concentration._ What?

**Kankuro**: There are no hot guys here!

**Gaara**: ...I can't believe you just said that. Out_loud_.

**Shikamaru**: ...Why don't you take _adv_...help Sasuke? He seems pretty upset.

_Flashover to Sasuke._ **Sasuke**: I'm s_oo _pretty! I'm s_oo_ pretty and witty and G-! ♪

**Kankuro**: Why didn't I think of that!

**Temari**: You did that on purpose.

**Shikamaru**: Me? _Never._

**Shino**: H-hey...I can see your bikini better this way.

**Tenten**: ABURAME SHINO! YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH! AND WHY ARE YOU HIDING THOSE EYES OF YOURS ANYWAY? THERE'S NOTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THEM!

**Shino**: Um...increases my sexuality?

**Tenten**: WE'RE 12! WE DON'T HAVE 'SEXUALITY!'

**Shino**: The fanfiction writers seem to think we do.

**Kakashi**: So what have we learned from all this, Naruto?

**Naruto**: That jellyfish don't taste good, sensei! And Kankuro is gay.

**Kakashi**: ...close enough.

**The End**

* * *

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

**Notes for the Reader**  
• Please **review**!

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